I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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