yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
