Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
