The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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