We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
