This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
