she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
