What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
