I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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