You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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