i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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