SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
