whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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