just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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