meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
