and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
