I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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