If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
