thus making me awesome and them whores
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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