Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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