you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
