I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
