but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
