she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
