Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's even glitter on my cock...
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