Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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