Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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