i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
