I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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