I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.