I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.