I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.