What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
