Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.