i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.