Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.