My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me