yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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