Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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