I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
