if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She bit a glass in half.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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