That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
