just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
