Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
