a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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