no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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