the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
