pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
