I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
