Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
