My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
