you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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