i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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