Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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