dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
