threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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