A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
