No subtext here. People are naked.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
