He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
