Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
