proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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