just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
