You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
