dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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