Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
