So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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