yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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