So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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