HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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