he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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