remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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