Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
