I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
