Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
