Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pants are for mortals
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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