Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
