woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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