Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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