you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
