i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
