i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
