Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
