You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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