I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
