so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
