gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
