I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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