I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my liver is dry heaving
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize