by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
