i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
